When our feelings are ignored by our caregivers as small children we develop trauma wounds around feelings. We begin to think that if my feelings are bad, then I must be bad. I am unlovable. I’m not worthy of love. Of course this is a simplified example, but you get the idea. In this example as a child you determine that you are unlovable. Yet, love is what we as humans desire most.
Our ego minds look to the world around us for evidence of what we believe at the core level. So, as we get older we unknowingly find people and situations to prove we are unlovable. We find friends and partners that we always have to prove our worth to.
If we do find people that try to show us love it feels uncomfortable. Often times we run from these people, or do something so they leave us. It doesn’t jive with our core belief that we are unlovable.
It’s important to recognize this pattern and do the healing necessary to allow love into your life. Especially, self love.
Imagine you have a night to yourself, no kids or pets, an no other responsibilities You are sitting on the couch after work trying to decide what to do with the rest of your night.
Inspiration says, “You know what sounds fun? Let’s go to the art store and pick out some new paints. The ones we have are getting old and there’s a new line you wanted to try. Then we can come home and break out the easel and get down to some painting!”
Your ego says, “That would be great, but you know what’s more fun? Ordering some food and binge watching a show that you’ve seen 3 times already in the last month. We can sit here and eat all the stuff and overthink. You know those paints are just going to be a waste of money and you will be frustrated because your painting won’t turn out how you want it to anyway. You’re not even artistic.”
Does this sound familiar? Our ego often lies to us, and it threatens us in an attempt to “protect us” from our feelings. In this example there is probably some good reason that our ego is protecting us from creating art. Maybe as a child someone who you really looked up to you told you that art was a waste of time, or that you weren’t a good artist. It could be that your parents really got mad at you for wasting your money on art supplies. Only you will know the reason.
Following our intuition will only lead us to our soul truth and to a more abundant and fulfilling life. This example is light hearted, but just think of the impact that it could have in more important matters. It could alter your life in the best ways. Remember, your intuition is based in love. It wants what is best for you. It will never steer you wrong.
Here’s my advice, tell your ego, “Thank you for the advice, but today I am following my heart.” Then, surrender the outcome to the Devine, and you’ll be surprised where the magic takes you. It might mean you run into an old friend at the art store and end up going for coffee and it doesn’t have anything to do with art at all. The possibilities are endless.
I take my dogs out first thing when I wake up in the morning. The weather was really chilly and I wanted to make this a really quick trip. There’s two routes that I normally go with them, this time I went the short one that doesn’t have anything to look at but a road and a strip mall. As I was standing there waiting on my plot hound to do his business with my teeth chattering I was being urged to walk toward the pond.
Now let me tell you this was the last thing I wanted to do. First it would add time to the walk and I was already frozen and not dressed for more cold. Second, that means open spaces for wind tow come and whip my face and hands. I debated for a moment and then thought to myself. There must be something that God wants me to see.
Sure enough, maybe a dozen steps past where I would have normally turned around I saw this…
This beauty was sitting right in between two pine trees in a long row. The colors were amazing, the picture was taken on my phone and doesn’t do it justice.
Listen to the whispers urging you to take a left instead of a right or take just a few more steps. When you have a feeling that you should phone a friend you haven’t spoken with in a long time. That moment when you turn the radio on and it reminds you of someone.
I have stopped considering these things coincidences. These are messages from God/Universe, or whatever higher power you subscribe to. When we listen to these messages our lives become richer and more abundant. When we trust this guidance, we are tapping into the essence of our creator. It lives in all of us. Whether spiritual or not, it’s here for us as long as we believe.
It’s a good chance that before you were the age of seven you created some beliefs about yourself and the world that weren’t necessarily true. Most experts say that our core beliefs are developed by the time we are seven years old. When we are small children we view the world with a self centered lens. The way we perceive the behaviors of our caregivers towards us and others is how we navigate the world. This is how we learn to survive.
At seven I still believed in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, but I also perceived that my opinion didn’t matter, that expressing my joy, sadness, or emotions in general was not acceptable. Of course I didn’t know that I was creating a core belief that would shape my future. I’m sure my parents didn’t either as they were only in their 20s when I was born. I just knew that I was punished if I was excitedly happy and dancing around in the house, or had a tough day and expressed that only to be ignored. I think you get the idea. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post about how you discipline your children. Instead, I want to show you how core beliefs are formed.
In order to find these limiting core beliefs you have to follow your triggers. When something triggers you, take that as a indicator that you have a belief that doesn’t resonate with your authentic self. If there is something you cannot stand about someone else, what is it, and where do you see that same quality in yourself. We all created versions of ourselves at a very young age to support our core beliefs. It’s time to reparent our inner child. Let go of the old version and let the new one in.
Some limiting beliefs for you to think about:
I am not the right (age, race, gender)
I am not smart enough
I am not educated enough
I always fail so I shouldn’t try
Loving myself is selfish
I don’t deserve it
I’m not enough
My opinion doesn’t matter
Bad things happen when I express my feelings