Peace or Apathy

The holidays used to be a very busy time for me. I won’t go into the details here, because it’s a long story, but my life 10 years ago was full of traditions and people to spend my holidays with. Indeed life in general was full of distractions and tasks to get done. Little people to keep alive and happy, a husband, a household, and a job.

There was not a lot of me time to be had, but in the last 10 years people and things have slowly been leaving my life. At first this was anxiety inducing. I defined myself by all these things and my title as mother, wife, daughter, etc. When they slowly started fading away, I didn’t know who I was, and this was really hard for me.

I tried to fill up the space with social media, dating, projects etc. I felt bored, and alone. Nothing seemed to fulfill me.

Then, I started this spiritual journey, and began to discover the truth. Things and people were being removed from my life so that I could discover myself. I had prayed to discover a deep understanding of who I was, and I realize now that God gave me the tools and the space to do that. I am so very grateful.

I know that I still have a lot more to learn about myself, but I also know that I have the power to manifest what I truly desire. I wanted to know myself, and I am getting there. It took me a while to understand exactly what was happening and why, but now that I do, I am so grateful. The inner peace that I feel is amazing. I am even almost completely off the anxiety meds that I have been on for 20 years.

Some days I mistake this peace with apathy. It takes awhile for your subconscious to get on board, but I am being patient with it these days.

Just remember, when you ask God/Universe for big changes in your life, and then world as you know if starts to crumble, that the old will need to be removed for the new to have space. God will take the straightest route. Your intuition will be your GPS.

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