Piggy backing on my last post, I want to talk about healthy boundaries. The concept of personal boundaries is very important for healthy relationships. We have to be careful when we have unhealed wounds and try to set boundaries as we can place boundaries up around ourselves that are unhealthy and toxic. They can come from a place of trying to control someone else’s behavior towards you, because of your own fears and insecurities.
For example, If I am in a relationship with someone and I know that I am triggered by the topic of money, so I place a boundary up, that I will just not discuss this topic with my partner. This is a toxic boundary. You are putting it in place because you are triggered by it. It is put up to avoid your feelings. Instead of doing the hard work of really trying to understand what is behind that issue, healing the underlying cause for that trigger, and allowing yourself and your partner to be heard and understood, you remove that trigger being presented to you.
This will not solve the underlying issue, and you will find yourself faced with more and more topics/things that are off the table until there is nothing left to discuss. Healthy relationships thrive on communication and a good understanding of yourself. If there are emotions stirred around certain topics, it’s important to discover why. What are you telling yourself in that moment, that isn’t actually true. What negative self talk is going on when that topic comes up?
Take a look at the boundaries that you have in your relationships. Are they based in self love, protection, and a good understanding of your needs, or are you trying to control and avoid?