Peace or Apathy

The holidays used to be a very busy time for me. I won’t go into the details here, because it’s a long story, but my life 10 years ago was full of traditions and people to spend my holidays with. Indeed life in general was full of distractions and tasks to get done. Little people to keep alive and happy, a husband, a household, and a job.

There was not a lot of me time to be had, but in the last 10 years people and things have slowly been leaving my life. At first this was anxiety inducing. I defined myself by all these things and my title as mother, wife, daughter, etc. When they slowly started fading away, I didn’t know who I was, and this was really hard for me.

I tried to fill up the space with social media, dating, projects etc. I felt bored, and alone. Nothing seemed to fulfill me.

Then, I started this spiritual journey, and began to discover the truth. Things and people were being removed from my life so that I could discover myself. I had prayed to discover a deep understanding of who I was, and I realize now that God gave me the tools and the space to do that. I am so very grateful.

I know that I still have a lot more to learn about myself, but I also know that I have the power to manifest what I truly desire. I wanted to know myself, and I am getting there. It took me a while to understand exactly what was happening and why, but now that I do, I am so grateful. The inner peace that I feel is amazing. I am even almost completely off the anxiety meds that I have been on for 20 years.

Some days I mistake this peace with apathy. It takes awhile for your subconscious to get on board, but I am being patient with it these days.

Just remember, when you ask God/Universe for big changes in your life, and then world as you know if starts to crumble, that the old will need to be removed for the new to have space. God will take the straightest route. Your intuition will be your GPS.

Love Yourself

There is a golden rule in Christianity that says “Do unto others that you’d have done to you,” but society has focused on others, and forgotten the part where we must also show ourselves love.

We focus so much on being kind to others and treating them with respect, even if we aren’t treating ourselves that way.

We have to give ourselves the love and kindness we give others. If we aren’t giving it to ourselves first, others won’t either. Like attracts like, it’s one of the universal laws. We show people how to treat us, how to love us.

When there isn’t a balance between loving ourself and others codependency results. I need to prove my love and kindness to others and forsake myself so that I get love and kindness in return.

Instead I would challenge you to give yourself love and kindness first, because then you are practicing the golden rule as it was intended. I love myself therefore I treat others with love and respect.

What are 3 ways you can show yourself love today?

Release the Old Version of You

It’s a good chance that before you were the age of seven you created some beliefs about yourself and the world that weren’t necessarily true. Most experts say that our core beliefs are developed by the time we are seven years old. When we are small children we view the world with a self centered lens. The way we perceive the behaviors of our caregivers towards us and others is how we navigate the world. This is how we learn to survive.

At seven I still believed in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, but I also perceived that my opinion didn’t matter, that expressing my joy, sadness, or emotions in general was not acceptable. Of course I didn’t know that I was creating a core belief that would shape my future. I’m sure my parents didn’t either as they were only in their 20s when I was born. I just knew that I was punished if I was excitedly happy and dancing around in the house, or had a tough day and expressed that only to be ignored. I think you get the idea. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post about how you discipline your children. Instead, I want to show you how core beliefs are formed.

In order to find these limiting core beliefs you have to follow your triggers. When something triggers you, take that as a indicator that you have a belief that doesn’t resonate with your authentic self. If there is something you cannot stand about someone else, what is it, and where do you see that same quality in yourself. We all created versions of ourselves at a very young age to support our core beliefs. It’s time to reparent our inner child. Let go of the old version and let the new one in.

Some limiting beliefs for you to think about:

I am not the right (age, race, gender)

I am not smart enough

I am not educated enough

I always fail so I shouldn’t try

Loving myself is selfish

I don’t deserve it

I’m not enough

My opinion doesn’t matter

Bad things happen when I express my feelings

Let go of the Past

I have spent a lot of time digging through my past and working on my shadows over the past several months. I have discovered that once you have taken responsibility for the decisions you made, and the way that you contributed to a situation, don’t forget to forgive yourself and let it go.

I have noticed that even though I have changed my perspective and behavior, I am still holding onto the guilt and the shame from my past. This is causing me to relive these things over and over in my mind. It’s constant validation for the negative self talk that I am working so hard to put to rest.

During my meditations these past few weeks I keep receiving a message about Grace. Giving myself the grace that God has already blessed me with. The only one holding onto this stuff is me. If God has already forgiven me, why is it that I am not forgiving myself.

Once you process the past, holding onto it only creates resistance to receiving your blessings.

Trust

When I first began my spiritual journey, I trusted the messages that I was getting during my meditation. Then something happened, and I began to question everything.

Here’s what happened. I was so excited about all the experiences and things I was learning that I wanted to tell the people around me. That’s when the doubt started.

The people I was telling were firmly stuck in the matrix. They did not easily accept what I was learning as I had, and their doubt turned into me questioning what my intuition was telling me. The fear and doubt crept in, and my ego engaged. My intuition was now harder to hear, and distinguishing it from my intuition was difficult. It caused so much frustration that I felt more and more like giving up.

Even though it has been a “setback”, I think it was meant to happen this way, because in the process I am learning that we are all on a separate journey. We have different paths, different trauma, different approaches to life. My life lessons are different than my sisters and brothers, and more importantly, my parents have different life lessons. It puts a different perspective on parenting for sure, but that’s a whole separate post.

Listening to your own heart, how your own body reacts to your feelings. Noticing the things that trigger you and discovering where that particular trauma is buried for you is the most important, in my experience. All these things have lead me back to my intuition, my higher self, the holy spirit that is a part of us all. You have to look within, sit with it, and tell that monkey mind that you can trust heart.

Shadow Work – Follow the Feeling

While meditating this morning I was given a message, “Go out and live. Show the world your light.” I had a sense that spirit wanted me to go out and have fun. Or so I told myself. I instantly received feedback in my heart. I received a palpitation in my heart. This happens to me quite a bit, but this time I decided to follow it.

I sat with the feeling, and really focused. I tried to physically pin point it, once I found it, then I was able to decipher what the feeling was. To my surprise I discovered Fear > Unworthiness.

It brought me to a question. When did I begin telling myself that I was unworthy of letting go and having fun. Most importantly why?

Everyone deserves to have fun don’t they? By just following a feeling, I have the opportunity to reframe my perspective. To choose a different version of myself that leads with love, self love.

Being willing to explore our feelings as warning lights on the dashboard of life instead of potholes to avoid, we can heal and align ourselves with our truth. It take work, and we have to choose this path daily.

I’m grateful that I chose this path today.