I have read so many articles and books in the past 3 years about people mirroring each other, but the truth is that your external life mirrors how you feel internally.

I was just journaling as I normally do at the end of my day, and I stumbled upon something very interesting. I was rambling on in my journal about feeling alone, and not having a “family” of my own to build traditions and a life. Of course, this time of year brings these issues to light for a lot of us.

Don’t get me wrong I have lovely friends and extended family that I enjoy so much, but I’m not married and I have a challenging relationship with my children. It leaves me on my own a lot especially during traditional family times.

I don’t need to wait until those things come into my life. I know they will when the time is right. I don’t have to see this alone time as a bad thing and I certainly don’t need to wait to start making plans for my life.

What I’m desiring externally is what I ‘m really craving from myself. I can give myself love, support, and a plan for the future. Things that a relationship and family of my own will fit into.

When all you really want at the end of the day is someone who loves you unconditionally, doesn’t judge you for your mistakes, and allows you to be authentically yourself; you can be that person for yourself. Be your own biggest cheerleader.

Today I Allow Myself to be Loved

When our feelings are ignored by our caregivers as small children we develop trauma wounds around feelings. We begin to think that if my feelings are bad, then I must be bad. I am unlovable. I’m not worthy of love. Of course this is a simplified example, but you get the idea. In this example as a child you determine that you are unlovable. Yet, love is what we as humans desire most.

Our ego minds look to the world around us for evidence of what we believe at the core level. So, as we get older we unknowingly find people and situations to prove we are unlovable. We find friends and partners that we always have to prove our worth to.

If we do find people that try to show us love it feels uncomfortable. Often times we run from these people, or do something so they leave us. It doesn’t jive with our core belief that we are unlovable.

It’s important to recognize this pattern and do the healing necessary to allow love into your life. Especially, self love.

Release the Old Version of You

It’s a good chance that before you were the age of seven you created some beliefs about yourself and the world that weren’t necessarily true. Most experts say that our core beliefs are developed by the time we are seven years old. When we are small children we view the world with a self centered lens. The way we perceive the behaviors of our caregivers towards us and others is how we navigate the world. This is how we learn to survive.

At seven I still believed in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, but I also perceived that my opinion didn’t matter, that expressing my joy, sadness, or emotions in general was not acceptable. Of course I didn’t know that I was creating a core belief that would shape my future. I’m sure my parents didn’t either as they were only in their 20s when I was born. I just knew that I was punished if I was excitedly happy and dancing around in the house, or had a tough day and expressed that only to be ignored. I think you get the idea. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post about how you discipline your children. Instead, I want to show you how core beliefs are formed.

In order to find these limiting core beliefs you have to follow your triggers. When something triggers you, take that as a indicator that you have a belief that doesn’t resonate with your authentic self. If there is something you cannot stand about someone else, what is it, and where do you see that same quality in yourself. We all created versions of ourselves at a very young age to support our core beliefs. It’s time to reparent our inner child. Let go of the old version and let the new one in.

Some limiting beliefs for you to think about:

I am not the right (age, race, gender)

I am not smart enough

I am not educated enough

I always fail so I shouldn’t try

Loving myself is selfish

I don’t deserve it

I’m not enough

My opinion doesn’t matter

Bad things happen when I express my feelings