Mirroring

I have read so many articles and books in the past 3 years about people mirroring each other, but the truth is that your external life mirrors how you feel internally.

I was just journaling as I normally do at the end of my day, and I stumbled upon something very interesting. I was rambling on in my journal about feeling alone, and not having a “family” of my own to build traditions and a life. Of course, this time of year brings these issues to light for a lot of us.

Don’t get me wrong I have lovely friends and extended family that I enjoy so much, but I’m not married and I have a challenging relationship with my children. It leaves me on my own a lot especially during traditional family times.

I don’t need to wait until those things come into my life. I know they will when the time is right. I don’t have to see this alone time as a bad thing and I certainly don’t need to wait to start making plans for my life.

What I’m desiring externally is what I ‘m really craving from myself. I can give myself love, support, and a plan for the future. Things that a relationship and family of my own will fit into.

When all you really want at the end of the day is someone who loves you unconditionally, doesn’t judge you for your mistakes, and allows you to be authentically yourself; you can be that person for yourself. Be your own biggest cheerleader.

Poetry

She,

In the dark,

Found light

Brighter than many ever see.

She,

Within herself,

Found loveliness,

Through the soul’s own mastery.

And now the world receives,

From her dower:

The message of the strength

of her Inner Power.

~Langston Hughes

Today I Allow Myself to be Loved

When our feelings are ignored by our caregivers as small children we develop trauma wounds around feelings. We begin to think that if my feelings are bad, then I must be bad. I am unlovable. I’m not worthy of love. Of course this is a simplified example, but you get the idea. In this example as a child you determine that you are unlovable. Yet, love is what we as humans desire most.

Our ego minds look to the world around us for evidence of what we believe at the core level. So, as we get older we unknowingly find people and situations to prove we are unlovable. We find friends and partners that we always have to prove our worth to.

If we do find people that try to show us love it feels uncomfortable. Often times we run from these people, or do something so they leave us. It doesn’t jive with our core belief that we are unlovable.

It’s important to recognize this pattern and do the healing necessary to allow love into your life. Especially, self love.

Coercion by the Ego/Logical Mind

Imagine you have a night to yourself, no kids or pets, an no other responsibilities You are sitting on the couch after work trying to decide what to do with the rest of your night.

Inspiration says, “You know what sounds fun? Let’s go to the art store and pick out some new paints. The ones we have are getting old and there’s a new line you wanted to try. Then we can come home and break out the easel and get down to some painting!”

Your ego says, “That would be great, but you know what’s more fun? Ordering some food and binge watching a show that you’ve seen 3 times already in the last month. We can sit here and eat all the stuff and overthink. You know those paints are just going to be a waste of money and you will be frustrated because your painting won’t turn out how you want it to anyway. You’re not even artistic.”

Does this sound familiar? Our ego often lies to us, and it threatens us in an attempt to “protect us” from our feelings. In this example there is probably some good reason that our ego is protecting us from creating art. Maybe as a child someone who you really looked up to you told you that art was a waste of time, or that you weren’t a good artist. It could be that your parents really got mad at you for wasting your money on art supplies. Only you will know the reason.

Following our intuition will only lead us to our soul truth and to a more abundant and fulfilling life. This example is light hearted, but just think of the impact that it could have in more important matters. It could alter your life in the best ways. Remember, your intuition is based in love. It wants what is best for you. It will never steer you wrong.

Here’s my advice, tell your ego, “Thank you for the advice, but today I am following my heart.” Then, surrender the outcome to the Devine, and you’ll be surprised where the magic takes you. It might mean you run into an old friend at the art store and end up going for coffee and it doesn’t have anything to do with art at all. The possibilities are endless.

Serendipity or Intentional

This morning I woke up feeling not so great about where I am at with my gifts. The problem is my patience. I want perfection and mastery now. I want things that come easy, just like most people. I want to have all the answers and understand everything all at once. The fact of the matter is that is just not what our 3D reality is about. Things take time. We learn by doing, by practice, by failing and rising again to try it a different way.

Failure has never been easy for me. Admitting it, learning from it, or even trying new things because of a fear of failure. Effort was not rewarded in my family, nor admitting our mistakes. Pride was king, the ego the master.

On my spiritual journey I been discovering how much I limit myself by the perceptions I have created about what it means to be successful, by listening to my ego. This morning my ego got the best of me. I was feeling frustrated, and ultimately impatient. As I logged onto my computer and turned on my Pandora this morning the first song that greeted me, Don’t Stop Believing by Journey. Was this serendipitous or a message from the universe? I’m sure you know what I think!

Trust

It’s amazing the peace that comes with trusting yourself and source. I always thought that I couldn’t trust myself if I didn’t get all the answers right, if I didn’t make all the best decisions. The truth is that we are meant to learn. I can trust that if I made a bad decision, it is because I had something to learn about how I perceive the world, or a situation. I might perceive something in a way that my intuition did not mean for me to receive it. The ego often gets in the way and interprets the information for us. The interpretation that comes form ego screams the response. It demands to be noticed.

I’ve learned that my intuition is subtle, gentle, kind, and loving. It never shouts, compares, judges, or puts you down. I like to think of them as two people sitting on my shoulders. One perceives everything through pure love and the other through a lense of the past, through fears, and limiting beliefs. If we can be honest with ourselves and with others love and light prevails. Sometimes this means we don’t get the job we thought we wanted, or the relationship that we had our heart set on.

Be honest to who you are at your core. Love yourself, accept even the dark things that you don’t share with others, and you will find all the happiness and abundance you could imagine.

On Pause

Things seem to be on pause the past few days. I know that there’s something on its way. The universe as told me so. I’ve been receiving numbers like crazy and tons of synchronicities.

It’s in these moments that karma is being sorted out and all I need to do is learn a lesson that has been presented to me. I feel that in my bones, and I even know what it is. I have to forgive myself for things I’ve been holding onto.

Some of those things I’ve been holding onto since childhood and some are newer. I either have to make amends or change my perspective. I know it’s in the past, I’ve already made amends to the people and gotten closure, but I’m holding onto the shame and guilt.

How do you forgive yourself for something you’ve not forgiven someone else for? I don’t think that you can. So I’ve discovered that my task has gotten bigger, not to mention I thought I had let it go.

The universe is telling me if I forgive and let go I will turn the wheel, this difficult cycle will end, yet here I am…stuck and all I want to do is cry. I want to forgive and move on, but my body won’t let it go. It’s really frustrating.

Devise a Plan

I’ve been receiving messages over the past few days that it’s time to form a plan. It is hard to manifest what you wish for if you don’t have a clear idea of what you’d like or where you are going. Write it down and be specific. What is your hearts desire?

Dr Joe Despenza, in his book Becoming Supernatural talks about mind movies. These mind movies are created with software and create a movie with music and quotes to acclimate your body to the frequency of what you want to manifest. You get yourself into receiving mode and play your mind movie.

I don’t intend to buy this software, but I can create a picture or day in the life in my mind and in my journal. I could make a vision board. What would that day look like? Who would I interact with. How would I feel? Really familiarize myself with what my body/emotions would feel like if I were living that life now.

It’s time to sit down and really feel it out. Come up with my plan.

Finding My Voice

How does one go about finding their voice? I have been getting nudges during my meditations, journalling and card pulls to use my voice. My abundance will come when I find my voice. This brings so much anxiety, because I have always felt that my voice doesn’t matter.

I was raised in an atmosphere where children were not valued for their ideas. I learned that fighting to be heard and sharing my opinions only got me punished or shamed. My ideas were only valid if they were good ideas, but how does a child know what a good idea is? The way that I reacted to this was to become introverted, say less, do more of what was expected. In this process I lost my authentic voice. I developed a fear of expressing my true authentic self because I percieved my worth to be determined by my ideas and thoughts.

Through this process of self discovery; of going within and confronting my traumas, I have learned that my coping mechanisms have lead me to is a place where I don’t have anyone that I connect with on a deep level. I have relationships built on external validation, internal protection, and a deep sense of lonliness. These types of connections happen when we can allow ourself to be authentic.

On the flip side, I have also learned that I am never alone. That my spirit guides, ancestors, and God are always with me. That to feel the depth of love and connection I must find myself. I must love, forgive, accept myself for the beautiful amazing woman I have become and have always been. I have learned that my worth is inherant. I do not earn it by someone liking my ideas. I always have that and so do you.

Part of this process is to share my authentic experience, my authentic voice with you. In doing this I hope to inspire others to look within, and find their authentic voice too.

Here are some things that I have been doing to get into alignment with my higher self:

Meditation – I do this daily even if it’s just for 10 minutes

Journalling – I write in my journal daily, even if it’s a list of things I am grateful for

Creative Expression – I like painting with acrylics on canvas, but you could do any mindfulness activity

Excercise/Yoga – Just moving your body, going for a walk, finding a yoga video on youtube.

Be in Nature – Literally hug a tree, take your shoes off and walk in the grass, hike, garden, lay on a beach, being in nature helps your body reset it’s frequency.

Before Bed – I list 5 things that I love about myself, just in my head

I really hope that this helps you. It will take time, and I am still discovering and learning. I really hope that I never stop.

Self Care Saturday

Our animals always take time out for self care, and they don’t appear to suffer from the guilt that sometimes goes along with it for humans. Is it no wonder that they seem happy and content much of the time.

Self care is important for our bodies and our minds to function in alignment with our highest self; yet choosing it over helping our friends and family, or completing some chore or errand may be seen as selfish. This can cause feelings of guilt and shame to surface.

I would like to challenge all of us to change our perceptions about self care and choose show ourselves love and compassion with acts of self care daily.

Today I decided to start with self care. I did my yoga, meditated, wrote in my journal. I’m lucky if I do just one of these things on a normal day, I’m glad to report that I feel balanced and centered as well as inspired to do the other things that require my attention today with a happy heart.